So, the big trip is over. Now I get to go through that weird re-entry phase. Want to watch me freak out? Put me in a huge suburban Safeway with 10 billion options and I freeze like a squirrel caught in the headlights. You know the scene. A squirrel freaking out, trying to decide what to do, doing everything, but getting nowhere.
“Freeze! No go left, no right, no wait freeze…no…move…away, no toward the light…no not the light! Bright light!”
Ugh, this is going to be rough. I have already have had to skip town at least once to go camping. The good news is that the broken tent is FIXED! Yay! Happiness! I feel calm now.
Anyway, while in decompression mode, I have been looking through my pictures and writings and reflecting on the experience and life lessons I stumbled into along the way. As I mentioned in a past post, it is not like I discovered a “new me” along the way, but instead got to move all the clutter and noise out of the way so I could really hear and see myself. (Or as I recently read in a book, let go of the anchors so you can get to clear water and see what is out there).
I will spare you the long self-indulgent list of observations and just mention one today. That observation is that I really enjoyed writing. I mean REALLY enjoyed it. That surprised the hell out of me. I am not claiming I am good at it, I am just saying that I got a *$#$% ton of fun out of it. I often found that I was sad to get on my bike because I was instead dying to just spend my day writing. It was a very odd experience. I didn’t want to ride, see mountains or even find that perfect fishing spot. Crazy. I just wanted to write. Yes, some writings were just reports of the adventure, but some were spontaneously more creative and just felt great to produce. I am not saying they were good…but fulfilling to write. (Some of my favs were Feb 12 and March 19th )
Where did this come from? I am not sure. As the days went by on my adventure, my mind got less cluttered with the details. Stereotypically (Thinking of the Hollywood versions of such an adventure) one would first be overwhelmed with worry and eventually evolve towards this slow peaceful Zen like state, right? I found the opposite was happening for me. (So much for landing that fat movie deal) Instead, as the days went by, first my mind calmed and then, over time, my mind began speeding up! But, for me, it was in a new and wonderful way.
It would ebb and flow. There were lots of moments of calm and just being present (few thoughts) but then I would be flooded with bursts of ideas and mental dialogue. It was not random chatter, just good solid internal dialogue. It was like being spit out the backside of a black whole, blazing bright energy everywhere.
When my thoughts would accelerate, it was not with worry and pondering of the silly things in life. Instead I found an inner dialogue of observation, humor and questioning. While I had been taking the time to blog the events of my days, I began to find myself coming up with all of these ideas for essays I want to write about. The topics were random, but my mind kept going off on these little tangents that sort of become internalized mini essays pondering random things that entertain the hell out of me. 99% of them I never shared on the blog but I was having a rocking time thinking them through. Maybe I was losing it, traveling in my little bubble, but I figured if I was going insane…hell, this would be a fun way to end up in a straight jacket.
So, that said, I think I will start using this blog as a platform for those thought essays that kept bouncing around in my head. Having never had the desire to write, I am interested in exploring this new curiosity for myself. It will be fun. Well, fun for me, maybe not so much for you. Please don’t expect anything profound or entertaining. I am not sure I can pull that off. (Mom will love it, but that is what mom’s are for.) This is just an experiment for myself. Hopefully over time I will become more concise and articulate and maybe even find a specific topic of interest. This is my practice space. I guess I could just journal to myself, but somehow if feel that by posting my thoughts here I think I will be more encouraged to write complete essays on a given topic.
So, consider yourself warned. I know a number of you who subscribed to this blog did it only to hear about the trip (or even just see pretty pictures). No sweat if you want to unsubscribe, I sincerely will take no offense. I know we all get enough random spam and I certainly don’t want to be bugging you.
For those of you who a brave enough to stick around, I hope this provides you with some value if not basic entertainment. Some of you are waaaaay too familiar with my random “Why is this?” verbal ramblings that are only entertaining to me or a 5 or 6 year old (Andrew, maybe Kai can add color commentary? Or at least spelling and grammar corrections?). If you have heard my random dialogues in the past, expect more of the same, just in written form.
You have been warned. Please feel to chime in with your thoughts, comments, criticisms. All is welcome.
Speaking of Mom, my #1 reader, these pics are for you! I first started pondering writing essays while having coffee one morning and camping under this bridge in Patagonia (Yet another one of my hobo camps). Not a bad view, don’t you think? Naturally having a morning coffee and pondering “big” thoughts, made me think of hanging in the kitchen with you taking about everything under the sun. Hope you are enjoying your coffee this morning too.
(Yes, I was ‘living’ in a tent under a bridge by the water. Not as bad as living in a “van down by the river”…but not far off. Yes Mom, I am sure you are so proud! Your graduate educated son was living under a bridge. I know you had such high hopes! I like to think I was a nice bridge troll though, not a grouchy one. In general, the Chilean fisherman seemed to agree. I was the nice “Janki” [Yankee] that asked them for fishing advice and kept enthusiastically and repeatedly asking “Tiene suerte?”)